Karma and the way it works has been weighing heavy on my mind lately. i guess there are some instances in my life that i am not thrilled about and cant seem to come to accept. i really dont know what im looking for in my quest for understanding action and reaction; maybe some relief from guilt, a confirmation of human tendencies, or a scapegoat for my shit behavior. in any case the question of karma and why things end up the way they do plagues me day and night.
is everything meant to be? i mean like every moment, feeling, step, action and result?
do i have free will? and if so, what does it pertain to?
if i am meant to enjoy and suffer exactly the way it was destined for me then what is really in my control?
my mind is so imaginative; i get the most random and insane ideas sometimes, yet i am selective as to which i act upon. so who controls the ideas i do choose to engage in? who gives that inspiration? Is it my mind or the all knowing God? All of my mundane conclusions only point me to the fact that i can either act piously or in-piously; that is my only choice when a situation presents itself. and according to my decision the outcome is there, set from many lifetimes of action and reaction. desires run deep and when man proposes, God disposes. i alone create my own Karma... but still this doesnt sooth my soul, it just causes me to lament activities that will continue to bind me and make me suffer.
acceptance and letting go is so difficult at times... and i guess i am really struggling with my own past (and present) demons. i once thought that i was perfect and that i could never do any wrong because i was so self righteous. humility and mortality are strong pills to swallow.
is everything meant to be? i mean like every moment, feeling, step, action and result?
do i have free will? and if so, what does it pertain to?
if i am meant to enjoy and suffer exactly the way it was destined for me then what is really in my control?
my mind is so imaginative; i get the most random and insane ideas sometimes, yet i am selective as to which i act upon. so who controls the ideas i do choose to engage in? who gives that inspiration? Is it my mind or the all knowing God? All of my mundane conclusions only point me to the fact that i can either act piously or in-piously; that is my only choice when a situation presents itself. and according to my decision the outcome is there, set from many lifetimes of action and reaction. desires run deep and when man proposes, God disposes. i alone create my own Karma... but still this doesnt sooth my soul, it just causes me to lament activities that will continue to bind me and make me suffer.
acceptance and letting go is so difficult at times... and i guess i am really struggling with my own past (and present) demons. i once thought that i was perfect and that i could never do any wrong because i was so self righteous. humility and mortality are strong pills to swallow.
You've brought up questions that have tumbled around in my mind for some time here. As in, how can there be free will in the presence of an unlimited lifetimes of accrued karma? Action and reaction, and reaction to reaction stacked up an infinite amount of times after and infinite existence of an eternal spirit soul? And even more perturbing, all that karmic predestination aside, how can there be any free will in the presence of a Divine that has full and complete knowledge of past present and future? If He knows everything that will happened to me in future before it has even happened and can never be wrong, what choice did I ever have in the first place?
ReplyDeleteCould it not be that the biggest illusion of all spun by Maya Devi in this material world is the illusion of free will? Of control? After all, does not Krsna remind us time after time that it is He that is the doer, the Cause of all causes, despite the foolish jiva's thoughts to the contrary? Thoughts born of false ego? Surely that was the point behind when Krsna told Arjuna to stand up and fight, to do his duty, because ultimately all was unfolding to Krsna's plan?
It's a tricky one. For a while I just accepted that free will was an illusion, and gave in to the all knowing nature of Krsna. Nothing could take place outside of His knowledge, he could never be wrong about which path you will take at a fork in the road, and thus with all being prescripted there could be no possibility of choice.
But then I remembered something. As well as being all knowing, Krsna is all powerful. Which means he can do anything. Literally. Which means he can have knowledge of past, present and future, and yet also at the same time manifest entities that have the ability to choose for themselves. He would not be God if he were not able to create a rock soooo heavy that he cannot lift it, and yet also be able to lift that same unliftable rock. An all-powerful God has to have the ability to do everything. Literally everything. If there is even one thing he cannot do, then he wouldn't be all-powerfull, and thus not God.
And so. Karma and predetermined destiny have to exist alongside free will. It's a paradox I know, but it's the way it has to work.
I was told once that the only free will the Jiva has left, now being covered by an infinite lifetimes worth of stacked up Karmic reaction, is the decision to surrender. To Krsna. I'm inclined to agree.
As a final point, I thought I would share a quote with you. I'm not sure who it is from, but the wisdom in it's words are bigger than it's author anyway. It went something like this ..
"People do not grow when their environment is too comfortable, when they are not challenged. It is in the midst of suffering and hardship that strength of character is formed."
Life in the material world is a struggle. Surrender to that struggle and you will be less perturbed by what it asks of you, and in doing so will grow stronger from the experience. I think anyway.